Not Just Work

By Simon.

One of the relationships I formed with a client who I worked with as an attendant carer, where the outcome was fulfilling and positive for both of us, was a relationship based on friendship, teamwork and trust. That relationship and trust took a while, though, to form.

I was asked by my co-ordinator to go meet a man, Frank (not his real name), who had been in a car accident resulting in huge injuries. He had been living in a busy, noisy ward in a private hospital for a number of years and was very withdrawn and disengaged from life. The co-ordinator told me he had sent a few carers to try and encourage Frank to go out and enjoy something. All having no luck. “I don’t know if you’ll have any success but give it a bash” my co-ordinator said.

I was introduced to Frank by a nurse. He was laying in bed amoungst all the hub-bub of visiting hours in his large ward. “I’m here to take you out if you would like” I said with all the joy and enthousiasim I could muster. “I don’t care” was his reply. I tryed to suggest a few ideas and “I don’t care” was the constant reply. I told him I was being paid for the shift and if he didn’t mind I would stay and read the paper. His reply was of course “I don’t care”.

For a few weeks I would come and read the paper on the chair at the end of his bed with our only interaction being “Hello” then latter “Goodbuy”. The feedback to my co-ordinator was not well received but he asked me to stay with it. I felt I was doing a poor job but I could not force or badger him into doing something.

On about the fifth visit, half way through my silent stay, he suddenly said in a very gruff manner “If we did go out where could we go?” I looked at him over the top of my newspaper and thought fantastic, this could be the start of something. “We could just go arround the corner for a coffee” and he replyed “OK”.

We chatted and came up with ideas for outings and at the end he insisted on paying for the drinks. The next week it was my turn to insist on paying. He really seemed to enjoy that we took turns to “shout” each other. I suppose it is like what friends do when they go out.

Over the years we went on a great jorney together. I think he trusted that I would not push him into anything he did not want to do. But I would suggest and encourage at times. Frank went on to have many fun outings and many achivements. He shifted into a support residential unit, contacted his son and re-established their relationship, joined a new mosque and went on his first holidays since the car crash. We went on many coffee and lunch outings’ always taking turns to pay.

Frank has done a lot of hard work and come a long way. I am happy to have had a small part in his success.