By an anonymous contributor.
Non-verbal clients don't have to be invisible.
It’s not that “because Miss X doesn’t communicate you just do your job and then go home” it’s something quite special and really hard to explain. It’s like you talk and act as if she were your neighbour, sister, friend, whatever (I was going to say perfectly normal, but that’s not right, there is no such thing!) and every so often you get a response that just melts your heart and totally makes your day! I believe, along with most of Miss X’s carers, that we do have a form of communication and that there is a two-sided relationship -it’s definitely teamwork in this case. Perhaps a few examples might help to clarify/explain what I’m trying to say.
Sometimes Miss X doesn’t want to eat her dinner (as soon as you get the spoon near her mouth, head turns the other way. Try a bit harder and you get vigorous head shaking) This is followed by a serious talk about how she must eat something because she has to take her tablets with food. She will then eat exactly the number of mouthfulls of food as tablets to be taken. You then get a look that seems to say “well I’ve eaten what you wanted me to eat, so where’s my pudding?” She actually looks towards the kitchen. Funny but the custard, jelly, icecream, whatever is devoured in record time. HMMM, who’s wrapped around who’s little finger!
It’s great when we go out to the shops. Park the wheelchair in front of a Donut King or Wendys and the smile you get is enormous. I interpret that as “yes please, I’d love a milkshake”. Lunch is always fun too. What ever I think that Miss X will like, is nearly always refused. What I’ve chosen for myself is always much better! Now I just buy a selection and we share. Last time it was Fishermans basket – I got the chips and salad and Miss X devoured the fish, prawns and scallops!
The best example though, was when we were at a shopping centre and I was trying to change her in the disabled toilet. One of those occasions when you need three hands. All of a sudden Miss X was struggling and seemed to be intent on punching me in the face. Because I didn’t panic and admonish her actions, I realised what was happening. She was trying to reach over and hold the grab rail with both hands so she could stand unassisted, leaving me with both hands free to fix up her pad and clothing. What a champion, we didn’t know she could do this until she told us!
Perhaps one of the sadest times was shortly after Miss X’s mother passed away. It was very hard explaining that there would be no more visits to the hospital, and mum would not be coming home, and that mum loved her very much. Sitting next to her on the couch and telling her this, she looked at me with solemn eyes and lent her head towards my shoulder as if to say “I need a hug”. It’s been nearly a year since her mother died, but I still sometimes get asked “for a hug”. I think thats something really special as generally Miss X doesn’t like to be constrained/restrained in any way. I’d like to think it’s because she is asking me for something, not me deciding that it’s something she needs.
Hopefully this makes some sense, although I’m not sure I’ve explained it very well. So much of this relationship is based on intuition and I’m sure I often get it wrong, but one thing I know is when you get it right it makes everything worthwhile!
Hi, I am taking a couple of minutes from caring for my son to say how much I love your story. So many people misunderstand my son (with CP) and he is verbal! Great to read stories liek yours coming from helpers! Merry Xmas. Franky
What a great story, but there are many ways to communicate OTHER than verbally. Communication Boards (or COMpics, Symbols, etc) are but one way. Normally Boardmaker (TM) is used but Office programs like Word or Publisher can make Communication Boards. I am of the strong opinion that ANYONE can communicate as there are so many options, like eyegaze, compics, etc. It is said that up to 90% of Communication is non verbal so it’s a matter for Carers to ‘learn’ the signs.
Hank.
Great article.
Just a thought – has Miss X ever tried an eye-pointing system – doesn’t require anything worn on the head and can be as simple as YES and NO held wide apart, or can be sophisticated enough to write a book.
If interested please email me on dealcc@vicnet.net.au
Rosemary
Thanks for sharing your story of your relationship. I really enjoyed reading it. You are not alone, as what you described is felt by many support workers and others.
I have done some some research in this area and the support workers I interviewed also talked about the pleasure they get in being with the person they worked with, the importance of the person putting their foot down, and the importance of a hug.
Good on you!
Sheri (ps I have a similar story on my blog about my friendship with Christopher)
I have been working in the disability field for 12 years+, and at times I have been told that I should give it up.(by outsiders who have never worked in the field)
Yes it has its challenges, yes it can be at times a danger to yourself, but once in a blue moon someone who you look after gives you a hug, smiles and saya thank you. If they have difficulty in communication it may come in the form of their body language where you get a feeling of appreciation and you know you have made a difference.
Communication is not always what is said but how it is said.
The difference of a client showing behaviours of concern to some and not others can come down to how you communicate with them.
This means observing your clients and allowing them to observe you.The process will not happen overnight but it will happen, and the end result will be a better understanding of each other.
However it may turn out that it wasnt meant to be ,however when you go home is it any different?
Reading these comments it is so clear to me that there is so much more than a ‘commercial’ (or ‘charitable’!?)transaction of tasks going on here…as one of the other posts says, ‘the human factor element’. These posts are an enormously important contribution to understanding what this job is and what people (both parties) get out of it. Thank you for your narratives from first hand experience – so powerful. Cheers.